


Things I'll Never Share

by FloralPunk15



Category: South Park
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloralPunk15/pseuds/FloralPunk15
Summary: *~ WARNING: THIS WORK CONTAINS THE FOLLOWING TRIGGERS. Mentions of : Homophobia, Violence, Injury, Bipolar Disorder in a Negative Light, Conversion Therapy Camp Implied: Depressive Episodes, Homophobia. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!~*."Stan knew it’d come to this, but he hadn’t expected it to hurt so bad. For once in their lives, Kyle was running and Stan wasn’t following him. Kyle was out of the gate and Stan had shut it behind the boy, not himself.".Or, the ficlet no one asked for in which our boys are in messy situations. Cartman went to jail, Kenny to the system, Kyle to camp, and Stan into depression.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh (One sided and implied)
Kudos: 6





	Things I'll Never Share

**Author's Note:**

> *~ WARNING: THIS WORK CONTAINS TRIGGERING TOPICS PLEASE SEE THE SUMMARY AND DO NO INTERACT IF THESE TRIGGER YOU!~*

Stan turned onto his side, trying to get comfortable in his bed. The frame creaked as he shifted, making him sigh softly. Normally, he’d text one of his friends until he fell asleep, but his dad took his phone for something he’d already forgotten. Even if he’d had it, texting them wouldn’t have done any good. They were all gone, leaving Stan all by himself in the quiet little town. Their absence made the town seem so much colder and quieter, more hostile without their friendly faces. A cold breeze blew through the tiny gap in the window, smelling like cold and wet earth.  _ Right, _ he recalled.  _ I snuck out to Stark’s with Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman. And then things fell apart and it’s my fault.  _

The last conversation he’d had with Cartman was just before the cops arrived to arrest him, about a week ago. He’d gone just a little too far in an effort to terrorize Butters and Stan had tried to put a stop to it. Of course, Cartman had gotten aggressive with him too. He wondered if there was still blood on the sidewalk by the Stotch’s. If the words Cartman had hissed actually cut him, or if they just felt like daggers between his ribs.(Or maybe he’d actually cut or stabbed Stan. Stan wouldn’t put it past him, especially after needing 6 stitches above his eyebrow from Cartman’s anger.) Cartman’s words felt like they were intended to drag guilt up his throat and make Stan plead with the cops that he’d meant no harm. Instead, Stan told them the truth.  _ He was trying to hurt Butters! The knife- He was going to!-  _ the protests had died when Stan’s head hit the concrete. There were hands on his throat and blood in his eyes and his mouth and Cartman was screaming.  _ This is your fault! This is all your fault!  _ The bruises faded and the stitches got removed, but he wouldn’t forget the feeling of thumbs digging into his jugular, or the furious- no  _ murderous _ snarl Cartman wore, even if it was blurry in his mind’s eye. 

Kenny, however, had been radio silent since that night at Stark’s pond. The four of them had hung around for an hour, then Cartman and Kyle headed home, bickering in hushed whispers and brash laughter. Kenny had lingered until they disappeared from view and Cartman’s laughter sounded like a whisper. A moment passed, then Kenny pulled him into a tight hug. Stan hugged him back equally tight, getting a feeling this was going to be the last hug for a long time. He’d known Kenny well enough to know whatever happened next was a prelude to disaster. Kenny had unzipped his parka a little and pressed a light kiss to Stan’s cheek then whispered,  _ Thank you for everything. I’m really gonna miss you.  _ Stan regretted not saying it back, because now he really missed Kenny’s comforting presence. 

And what a disaster Kenny had alluded to. He’d heard from the grapevine that Cartman was in a criminal mental institution, with the doctors citing violent borderline personality disorder. Kenny had been sent to a small town on the other side of the mountains, waiting to come home. Kyle hadn’t been the same after the two week camp he’d attended. And Stan? He hadn’t left his room in three days. His parents had fought about it, but no solutions had arisen from the screaming.

He was going onto day four in bed until someone tossed rocks at his window around dawn. He crawled to the end of the bed and shoved it open, almost getting knocked off by someone. Luckily, he’d just ended up on his back. They’d ended up straddling Stan’s hip bones, shoving the black hood off. Kyle loomed over him. For the first time since he arrived home a week ago, Stan saw a little bit of fire in his eyes. 

“I have to get out of here,” Kyle whispered frantically. “I can’t stay. I can’t go back to camp and I can’t stay in town.” Tears gathered in his eyes, something unusual for Kyle. Stan had never known him to panic like this, or even at all. “If I stay they’re gonna send me back, and I can’t live through it again.” the whispers bordered on senselessly frantic and all Stan wanted to do was ease his best friend’s fears. 

“Kyle,” he whispered, settling his hands on the younger’s thighs. Stan sat up, careful not to dislodge Kyle in a way only years of practice could have achieved. “Breathe. You’re not going anywhere. They won’t make you leave again.”

“Stay,” he whispered at the same time Kyle whispered. “Go with me,” Both boys shook their heads and whispered “I can’t,” in unison. Stan blinked back tears. 

“Please, Ky. Please don’t leave.” he begged in a hushed tone. 

“I love you, but if I don’t leave, I won’t survive,” Kyle replied, letting a tear fall. 

Stan pulled him into a hug, rubbing the back of Kyle’s head softly as though there were still coppery curls to tangle his fingers in. Kyle tucked his nose into the crook of Stan’s neck, nails digging into his shoulders. Stan’s heart broke a little more with every shuddery breath he felt Kyle draw. 

Downstairs, the floorboards creaked as his dad got ready for work. “I love you so much,” both boys whispered in unison, Kyle’s voice tight with panic, Stan’s heavy with unshed tears. They looked at each other for a moment, speaking without words. Then Kyle leaned in and brushed his wet eyelashes against Stan’s cheek.

The bottom stair creaked and the moment was over. The only indication Kyle had ever been there was the faintest scent of his body wash, the warmth on Stan’s lap, and the open window that Stan couldn’t bring himself to close in case Kyle had a change in heart and wanted to stay. 

Stan knew it’d come to this, but he hadn’t expected it to hurt so bad. For once in their lives, Kyle was running and Stan wasn’t following him. Kyle was out of the gate and Stan had shut it behind the boy, not himself. The notion that he let Kyle down was too much for him to silently swallow. 

So he silently cried, wishing he’d told Kyle everything he’d been sitting on for ages. Most importantly, Stan wished he’d told Kyle how he really felt about him while Kyle was in his lap. That he loved the redhead in a more-than-friends way. That he was one hundred percent confident he’d follow this boy anywhere. And that he knew Kyle didn’t feel the same way, but never gave up on Stan and how much it meant to him

Wished he’d told Kenny how badly he’d miss the blonde too. And that he knew what Cartman was up to. That everything Cartman had told him was  _ false _ . Yes, Kyle and Stan loved him. Yes, Kenny was valuable. Yes they missed him when he was gone. And No, Kenny wasn’t forgettable. He was the opposite. And Stan was pretty sure he was also kind of in love with Kenny too. 

Alas, they were things Stan would never say. 


End file.
